I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
