it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
