i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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