If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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