At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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