Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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