ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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