I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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