I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
