the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You don't make any sense
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