Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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