I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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