everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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