Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
