ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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