i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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