just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
