SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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