i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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