This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
