Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
