I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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