I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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