So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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