The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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