babies were throwing up all over the place
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Fuck appropriateness.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
