she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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