Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
