I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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