How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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