How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
