no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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