I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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