Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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