GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
