i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
