Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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