i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
