Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
