Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
