If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
