oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
