After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
