if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
