I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
