Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
