Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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