Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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