Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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