Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
