Are we in a gay sports bar?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
