She is in my trunk
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
