Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
