We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
